I Was Not Prepared for This

Planning helps my anxiety. Calendars are my friends. I am addicted to post-it notes, lists, lined note cards, notebooks, and checking things off or crossing things out as tasks are accomplished. I mentally prepare for the worst outcome for pretty much every significant event.

I mentally prepared for meeting Ian’s family . . . I wanted to make sure I at the very least made a good impression. I was less concerned about impressing the adults as I was about making sure I didn’t mess up the kids. I was prepared to keep quiet and stay in my corner. I wanted to make sure the girls did not feel like I was intruding or distracting or taking time and attention away from them.

I had been in their shoes, and I know I spent lots of time resenting the woman who seemingly took time and attention away from me where my father was concerned. I also believe in karma, and I was not necessarily the sweetest future stepchild. My attitude ranged from tolerant to merciless. I was prepared for karma in this regard. I was prepared for awkward and even awful. What I was not prepared for was wonderful.

There was some awkward adjustment, but that was relatively short lived (thanks to Crash and a long car ride). I was not prepared for all the laughter or to completely fall in love with two little girls or to fall more in love with Ian watching him being a dad. I really wasn’t prepared at all, and try as I might right now I am certainly not prepared for what comes next.

I am not prepared for the car rides we are about to take. I am not prepared for the quiet. I am not prepared to miss them. I don’t even know how to start to prepare for that.




One Comment Add yours

  1. Cherae Stone says:

    I wasn’t prepared to love them, either, and I’ve only seen the pictures!! You will be the best bonus mom EVER!!!!
    SO so proud of you and your (our) new little fam!!! XOXO

    Liked by 1 person

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